Dear Men,

Please stop dating harpy freaks and fathering children with them.

I say this because I care about you. I've just seen too many of you paying a lifetime of grief for a few minutes of ass. It isn't worth it. It really isn't.

Do you want this skinny, psycho slut -- who "promises" she's on the pill -- to be raising your child? Do you want a child living on free school cafeteria lunches and having guys with names like "Bulldog" and "Crazy D" coming and going from his or her mom's room at all hours?

With the way child support collection is going in this country, there's no where to hide. You'll be paying 25 percent of your income for the next 18 years. Even if you only make $20,000 a year, that's still 90,000 freakin' dollars! A trip to Nevada and a high-priced "escort" is a better bargain.

Some tips:

* Bring your own condoms. And don't leave them anywhere she can get to them when you're not around.

* When she says "No strings attached," don't believe her. There's NO such thing as a free lunch, Dawg.

* If she comes from a single-mom trailer park family, run. The "cycles of poverty" like to repeat themselves.

* If she's emotionally needy and comes from a screwed up family, just back away slowly so no one gets hurt. Then run.

In some situations, it may be a simple case of "thinking with the little head," but I've also seen many a good man making the noble attempt to heroically rescue some addle-brained female who "needs" him, and getting stuck in the miserable web of the soul-sucking harpy.

I can't stand it any more. Stop it!

Sincerely,

Jen

There are women who, however you may search them, prove to have no content but are purely masks. The man who associates with such almost spectral, necessarily unsatisfied beings is to be commiserated with, yet it is precisely they who are able to arouse the desire of the man most strongly: he seeks for her soul -- and goes on seeking.

-Nietzsche Human, all too Human