Much has been written on the topic of intimacy and on what ingredients contribute to lasting intimate relationships. Some of the most important of these are listed below (not in any rank order):

1) Common interests, especially leisure-time and recreational interests. (A few differences in interests, though, can add some novelty and excitement.)

2) A sense of romance or "magic" between you and your partner. This is an intangible quality of attraction that goes well beyond the physical level. It's usually very strong and steady in the first three to six months of a relationship. The relationship then requires the ability to renew, refresh, or rediscover this magic as it matures.

3) You and your partner need to be well matched in your relative needs for togetherness versus independence. Conflict may arise if one of you has a much greater need for freedom and "space" than the other, or if one of you has a need for protection and coziness that the other doesn't want to provide. Some partners may hold a double standard - in other words, they're unwilling to allow you what they require for themselves (such as trust and freedom).

4) Mutual acceptance and support of each other's personal growth and change. It is well known that when only one person is growing in a relationship, or feels invalidated in their growth by the other, the relationship often ends.

5) Mutual acceptance of each other's faults and weaknesses. After the initial romantic months of a relationship are over, each partner must find enough good in the other to tolerate and accept the other's faults and weaknesses.

6) Regular expressions of affection and touching. An intimate relationship cannot be healthy without both partners being willing to overtly express affection. Nonsexual expressions such as hugging and cuddling are just as important as a sound sexual relationship.

7) Sharing of feelings. Genuine closeness between two people requires emotional vulnerability and a willingness to open up and share your deepest feelings.

8) Good communication. Entire books and courses are devoted to this subject. While there are many different aspects to good communication, the two most important criteria are that:

* The partners are genuinely willing to listen to each other
* Both are able to express their feelings and ask for what they want directly (as opposed to complaining, threatening, demanding, and otherwise attempting to manipulate the other to meet their needs).

9) A strong sense of mutual trust. Each person needs to feel that they can rely on the other. Each also trusts the other with their deepest feelings. A sense of trust does not come automatically; it needs to be built over time and maintained.

10) Common values and a larger sense of purpose. An intimate relationship has the best opportunity to be lasting when two people have common values in important areas of life such as friendships, education, religion, finances, sex, health, family life, and so on. The strongest relationships are usually bound by a common purpose that transcends the personal needs of each individual - for example, raising children, running a business, or commitment to a spiritual ideal.