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Aerosol de Juan el Conquistador

Can reads:
"Let us pray"
(Shouldn't that be "Let us spray"?)
"The Orientals are believed to have used these oils to waft the soul and body into the realm of kings and conquerors. Its fragrance is allegedly the stepping stone to the mighty conqueror."

Yes, but can it remove the stench of buggery?

Jen's Review: Masculine, woodsy scent, powerful enough to conquer a mighty turd. I don't know about wafting my soul to the realm of kings, but it wafted the evil spirits from my john. Or would that be my "juan"?

Aerosol de Nuestra Senora de Guadalupe

Can has a lovely Mexi-kitsch picture of Our Lady of Guadalupe.

Jen's Review: The holy power of Our Lady of Guadelupe makes my shit smell like roses. Guaranteed to improve any stinky nun buns.

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Padre, Hijo, Espiritu Santo
Aerosol de La Cruz de Caravaca

Can promises peace, health, good luck, love, fertility, money, courage, strength, success and protection.

Jen's Review: The Trinity apparently smells like maraschino cherries. But, what I want to know is, will simply having the can in my bathroom bring me health, luck, etc.? Or must I actually spray the spray to bring good fortune? And does the power of the spray only produce good fortune for those who have crapped in my bathroom? Will good fortune come to only those who crap and spray, or does farting count, too? Like the nature of the universe itself, there are so many unanswered questions. I guess I just need to take the spray on faith.